Weird Title I know, but this post honestly start off as my evening rant on facebook which NORMALLY ends up a small blurb. So, here we go.
End of day rant...
Busy, busy, busy... That's my life, and I do it on purpose! I keep myself so busy most days that I forget to do basic things like brush my hair (you thought I was going to say teeth, didn't you!), eat breakfast (BAD ME!!), and drink enough water(for shame...). I do it almost every day!
I wake up, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, and typically stay in my jammas until I have to go somewhere. I workout, clean, do homeschool, do my work, do my volunteer work (all online which is pretty easy), cook, take care of kids, and anything else that can keep me busy in a day.
I honestly don't do well if I don't have stuff to do. My mind wonders and I get anxious or depressed OR I turn into a vegetable playing games or watching movies on my iPad. I don't have an easy medium in there. I am drastically one or the other.
I am ok with it, I've learned how to manage with my crazy. When things get too crazy, I workout harder. The thing is, I know many who haven't learned to manage it. I know a lot of people who have not found that OUTLET for themselves. How do you manage, when you don't know what will work? It is hard.
In 2009, I started taking a anti-depression med and an anti-anxiety med. I look back and remember days where I didn't know if I would ever be off my meds because I didn't know how to cope without them. They were more then a crutch for me, they were a freaking wheelchair! I thought about how I was never going to be able to get off of them; how I was going to be taking multiple pills for the rest of my life and I haven't even hit 30 yet (not much longer though...). I didn't want to be that person. I changed my lifestyle to be healthier physically so I didn't end up with heart disease or diabetes (eating sugary food excessively is kinda my thing...I'm an addict). I changed my life, but I was still taking pills every day.
I made a promise to myself back in 2010, it was after my daughter was born, that I was going to be drug free (happy pills, that is) before I turned 30. I told myself when I started them I didn't want to be on them forever, but after my daughter was born, I set a goal.
This road has been long. As I sit here and reminisce, I think of all the days I cried myself to sleep, all the times I freaked out over a shirt being hung up backwards, all the times I almost stopped breathing because of panic attacks, the migraines, the dizziness, the chest pains... it brings tears to my eyes even now remember the days where my oldest, my son, brought my breakfast in bed because I wasn't mentally able to pull my fat ass out of bed. My son, making breakfast for his sisters... The road that has brought me here has made me appreciate my family so much more.
My family was there. My children saw my bad days... and my children still love me. My husband took the brunt of my bad days... and my husband still loves me. My parents, my brother and sister, their families... they all saw me during my bad times... and they all still love me.
The part that hurt, were the people who were my "friends". Needless to say, I learned very quickly who were my friends and who were not.
I'm finally coming to my point of this rant...
Mental Health is an important aspect of physical health. If you are suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD, SAD, OCD, ADD, or any other acronym, finding the proper, healthy, and WORKING outlet is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Forget everything everyone else tells you to do; Find what works for you. Here is what I did:
1.) I took EVERYONE off of my friend's list on Facebook and kept it strictly family for almost 4 years. I honestly didn't start adding people back on until sometime last year. Getting rid of the extra drama, politics, and stupid was essential to re-learning how to chill out.
2.) I worked CLOSELY with a PSYCHIATRIST. Not just a therapist. Talking is great, but meds are better! Getting on the meds helped me clear my head long enough to find what REALLY works for working through my problems... and I had LOTS to work through.
3.) I never stopped looking for something that worked. I wanted to, I almost did, but I kept trying. My psychiatrist and therapist helped out with this by suggesting books, workbooks, movies, meds, foods, diets, music, meditation, yoga, baths, candle, and exercises. I finally found what works for me, YOU CAN TOO!!!
4.) I started openly sharing what was really wrong with me with friends and family. While some people called me a fake, liar, and self-centered bit**, others were there to help and support me in what I was going through. Keep in mind that this doesn't always work out the way you want it to... some people really hurt you, but that isn't completely their fault, they are broken too.
5.) EXERCISE. I'm not saying this because I am a trainer. I am a Trainer today because this has helped me and so many more before me! Exercise is what was the tipping point for me getting off meds and not having a melt-down in the 5 months I've been off of them (trust me, MAJOR milestone!!!)
Honestly, one of the biggest things that helped me, I stopped trying to be something I'm not. I'm not a well-rounded, mentally stable woman. I'm broken and I know it. But even when a teacup is chipped, doesn't mean it is useless. I am broken, and because I am broken, I am strong. I know that doesn't make sense to most people, but anyone who has been down a similar path (cause no path is the same) they know what that means. Being broken has taught me so much about myself, my family, and what it means to be ME.
I am Danielle. I have PTSD, OCD, recurrent depression, and generalized anxiety. I have three beautiful children who are strong, independent, and so loving and sweet. I have an amazing husband who loves me and our children with every fiber of his being. I have two crazy ass dogs that drive me bonkers. I am broken, but I am strong.
Wow, that really did get longer then I expected... If you know someone who suffers from depression or anxiety, or if you suffer yourself... please share this post. I hope it helps you as much as typing it has helped me!
